What Country Friends Is This?

 

"But you said Twelfth Night is your cursed show."

"I heard you swear you'd never do Twelfth Night again."

Yes, these are both true statements.  But here I am just starting down the road to my 6th production of Twelfth Night. Do I know what I'm doing? Absolutely.  Am I excited? Hell yes!  Am I scared?  A little bit.

Here's a brief look at my history with the brilliant play. I will start talking about this year in the next blog. For those of you reading for the first time, you should know that 90% of my blogs is just me unpacking my thoughts...but that other 10% is glowing love heaped on those I am lucky enough to work with. 

-Greenstage Seattle (sometime in the early 90s). This was one of my home theatres when I spent four years in the rainy northwest.  I love those folks and am so glad they are still around doing what we did back then.  A wonderful director and actor was playing Malvolio in an indoor production of the play, but I was cast to take over the role for the summer tour in the park.  As the summer wore on, I found it more and more difficult to deal with the abuse Malvolio took from the others.  It was such a wonderful cast and it was nothing that they were doing.  I came to realize that what the outdoor production lacked that the first one had was a moment that let the audience off the hook and have a bit of sympathy for Malvolio. It was a moment that could be achieved in a theatre that had lights, and not in the sunshine (or cloudy light) of Seattle parks.  And so onstage one day I had an unspoken moment with Toby, and my friend Ken, who played Toby, went with it, and the laughter that followed was equal parts relief and appreciation.  It was an incredible lesson.  All this sounds great, yeah?  I never heard anything about it from anybody except wonderful things until the closing night party when the director (who was a friend and actor I admired) chided me for that choice because it wasn't part of his vision. However, he was off doing a show in a "proper theatre" and we found this moment in the moment and it just worked.  Unfortunately, it was the first time in my life I was truly high on weed (and one of the very few) and I couldn't find the words to say what I did in this paragraph. It sent me on a spiral. It seemed like one of the great triumphs of my early career was, in fact, me being a shitty actor.  I was a great Malvolio.

Dramatis Personae Descanso Gardens, CA.  In 1997 I moved to LA to dry out.  I was coming off a divorce and having a kidney removed...also crippling depression and just trying to find a reason to live.  I had a job at a restaurant downtown, LA.  It was called Steppes.  It's gone.  But there were some awesome people who worked there, some of whom I remain friends with to this day.  One of those friends was a lovely young actress who was cast as Viola in a production of Twelfth Night and she mentioned that they were still looking to cast a few roles.  I told her that I had just had a rough time playing Malvolio, and she encouraged me to audition.  Well, I got the role (it was my first gig in the LA area).  I was excited to get back to doing the thing that I loved after a year of recovery from my kidney surgery, divorce, and general mental anguish.  After the first rehearsal, the person playing Feste, the fool came up to me and said: "Our characters are enemies, so I am going to make your life hell this summer." And boy did he ever.  (I also think that's a terrible interpretation of Feste and that relationship). There is a lot to unpack about this summer, and even after a quarter of a century, I'm not ready to go there yet.  It was fucking awful.  Everybody else was amazing, including his partner who played Toby...a delight.  But he had decided this thing and he carried it out until we almost came to blows, and I tried to quit but wasn't allowed to.  My concerns about letting the audience off the hook and giving them some hope for Malvoio went unheeded.  I got through it.  At the cast party, my friend who was playing Viola told me that I had lost my balls because of my divorce.  Lots to unpack there.  Needless to say, this first time I had acted since getting out of a marriage that was largely split up because of my acting was almost the last. I was a fucking great Malvolio.

A summer Shakespeare Festival in LA 2003. I get cast in both shows. Mercutio in R&J and, you guessed it, Malvolio.  This may have been the greatest group of human beings assembled to do a summer season. Most of them are still in my life and are dear friends.  We had the best time.  Patrick, how is this a curse? (Just you wait, my four loyal readers, who actually all already know this, just you wait). From the first rehearsal, we were put on the clock.  We were told that if we didn't speak faster, then scenes would be cut.  We were ruled by the ticking of a stopwatch. Still, we opened to great applause and love.  During the run, however, one thing changed.  After Malvolio's final line, one actor was instructed to jump at me and assume a karate pose and say Hi-yah! I, as Malvolio, took myself offstage demoralized. Not only had that moment not let the audience off the hook and in on the joke, but it made them complicit in being extremely cruel and sadistic to Malvolio.  It doesn't help that the actor in that case is extremely talented and charming, so the audience probably wasn't even aware that they were complicit in sadism.  When that actor came offstage I was livid and told them how terrible that was.  They pointed me to the director who told them to do so.  When I brought it up with them, I was told that we couldn't have the play have that bummer of my arc be what people remembered.  Fuck.  I really considered quitting acting forever after that experience, despite the fact that I was a great Mercutio, and, yes sadly, a great Malvolio despite my torment.

SBTS 2010. I come back from Alabama with an MFA, and a family.  I auditioned for Shakespeare by the Sea after several years away.  Getting married, going to grad school, and having a baby.  They were doing Julius Caesar and Twelfth Night.  I really didn't have any interest in Twelfth Night. In fact, I wrote one of my graduate papers on the Malvolio problem in TN, and how it may be an impossible play to do for a modern audience.  It was at that audition that I met a young, brilliant director name Stephanie Coltrin who was directing Caesar.  At that time, my bucket list contained Marc Antony. I'll never forget our first meeting.  I did a monologue.  I did Henry V's "Crispin Day" speech.  I crushed it. Also in the room, ironically enough was a former employee at Steppes who I had known since I moved to LA, and who also happened to graduate from ASF with an MFA a few years before I did, Amy Louise Sebelius.  I loved Amy Lou, and although I wasn't interested in doing TN again, I told her for her I'd play any part except Malvolio.  I ended up booking Antony for Steph, and Orsino for Amy Lou.  Our dear friend, David Graham played Malvolio and didn't seem to suffer any ill effects for his effort...so maybe it really is me that is the problem.  It was such a good summer for so many reasons, most importantly in that I met Steph and it formed this 15 year partnership in theatre creating countless shows.  I don't know where I would be now had I not auditioned for that season.  TN was fine, I had a good time as Orsino, although really I was focused on JC and Antony.  I was a fine Orsino.  I was a terrific Antony, and because Steph and I met, it has led to who I am today. I learned that Amy Lou died on my way to my best friend's memorial service.  She was so full of life and love and art that I still can hardly believe it.

The lost years. The internet.  I played Malvolio for an online SBTS production.  I don't remember much about it. In fact, I didn't remember who was in it until some folks told me they were.  I had COVID.  I'm not sure what point of my COVID we did this.  It couldn't have been too early because I couldn't get out of bed to get on zoom.   But even when I got over the primary symptoms, I had the long covid that made it hard to breathe and walk.  This was a rough time in my life.  Since I couldn't move, I gained a lot of weight.  I was in a fog.  I guess I played Malvolio, but I was on zoom and I don't remember responding to anybody.  I'm sure I was a terrible Malvolio in this content.  I'm sorry if you saw it for me.  Although I'm sure that the rest of the cast was amazing, whoever they were...seriously, I have very little memory of doing it.  I didn't almost quit, although I almost died a few times during the pandemic.

And here I am today.  I have lots to say about SBTS 2023.  But you will have to tune in next week!